Susan Granger’s review of “The Beach Bum” (Neon)
Let’s not mince words: this is the worst picture I’ve seen in a long, long, long time. A total wipeout.
Hedonistic Moondog (Matthew McConaughey) is a selfish, middle-aged stoner/poet who sails around Key West, Florida, in a boat named Well Hung, proclaiming, “I’m a bottom feeder. I go low to get high.”
Although Moondog is openly promiscuous, he seems somewhat surprised to discover his very wealthy wife, Minnie (Isla Fisher), is shagging their best-friend, Lingerie (Snoop-Dogg), a musician/drug dealer. When Minnie dies in an automobile accident, Moondog learns that she’s put his multi-million inheritance in escrow until he finishes writing his next book.
Aside from those plot points, the freewheeling narrative consists of disjointed (pardon the pun!) episodes that chronicle Moondog’s decadence and debauchery.
Jonah Hill is his literary agent. Zac Efron plays a preacher whom Moondog befriends in rehab. Accompanied by his coke-addicted parrot, Martin Lawrence escorts dolphin-watchers on an ill-fated boat tour. And Stefania LaVie Owen, as Moondog’s daughter, notes, “He may be a jerk, but he’s a great man.”
Meanwhile, surrounded by bare-breasted babes, Jimmy Buffett views the hijinks with obvious amusement, perhaps content with the royalties he’s banking for the use of his Margaritaville songbook.
Obviously, provocateur writer/director Harmony Korine (“Gummo,” “Kids,” “Spring Breakers”) thinks he’s created a comedy. Problem is: it’s not funny, becoming particularly mean-spirited when Moondog mugs an elderly, wheelchair-bound man to steal his money.
Matthew McConaghey, who turns 50 this year, obviously relishes his slacker persona, recalling his naked bongo-playing. So no one was surprised when he admitted that some of the prop marijuana was real. Duh!
On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “The Beach Bum” is an existentially awful, tawdry 2. It’s not “all right, all right, all right!”
