“The House”

Susan Granger’s review of “The House” (Warner Bros.)

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A strong contender for the Worst Picture of the Year, this new Will Ferrell/Amy Poehler comedy fails on almost every level.

In suburban Fox Meadow, Scott (Farrell) and Kate (Poehler) Johansen are justifiably proud of their accomplished daughter Alex (Ryan Simpkins), who just got into Bucknell, the college of her choice, earning a full, town-funded scholarship.

Problem is: sneaky Bob (Nick Kroll), the corrupt Councilman, decides to divert the designated funds to build an elaborate municipal swimming pool, leaving no money for Alex. Since neither Scott nor Kate ever thought about saving for their daughter’s education, they’re panicked.

But their best friend Frank (Jason Mantzoukas), whose estranged wife (Michaela Watkins) dumped him because of his gambling addiction, comes up with what they think is a brilliant idea: Why not open an illegal, secret casino in Frank’s spacious, almost-empty house?

Frank assures them that over the summer, they can make at least a half-million dollars. The Johansen’s split will be more than enough money for Kate’s tuition.

Where do they get the working capital to finance this elaborate fully-staffed casino, complete with a blackjack table, craps tables, a roulette wheel, surveillance cameras, dealers and bartenders?

And why does bumbling Officer Chandler (Rob Huebel) represent the only law-enforcement around?

Working from an absurdly implausible script he wrote with Brendan O’Brien, Andrew Jay Cohen (“Neighbors”) makes an inauspicious directing debut.

In this stale, sophomoric farce, the charmless Johansens behave like middle-aged dorks – with Kate re-experiencing her love of weed and Scott inadvertently getting a macho ‘fix’ by becoming an enforcer known as The Butcher. That leads to a cameo by Jeremy Renner as a ruthless mobster.

The depravity gets worse when two foul-mouthed females (Lennon Parham, Andrea Savage) square off in a “Fight Club” brawl while townspeople bet on the outcome.

On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “The House” is an atrociously tedious 2. What a terrible waste of time and talent!

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