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DETROIT ROCK CITY

Susan Granger’s review of “DETROIT ROCK CITY” (New Line Cinema)

It’s 1978, and four Cleveland teens are trying to crash a KISS concert in Detroit to see their idols after their tickets are burned by a religious fanatic parent who swears that the group’s name is an acronym for “Knights in Satan’s Service” and is a member of M.A.T.M.O.K. (Mothers Against the Music of KISS). Edward Furlong, Giuseppe Andrews, Sam Huntington, and newcomer James De Bello are die-hard KISS fanatics and they’re determined to attend the concert – whether it involves winning front-row center seats in a radio contest, spiking a teacher’s pizza with hallucinogenic mushrooms, stealing a car, selling their bodies, robbing a convenience store, or sneaking by security. Between these escapades, they smoke dope and stop to beat up a car full of disco fans in some half-witted defense of rock ‘n’ roll. While the KISS members are prominently listed as part of the cast and Gene Simmons is a producer, they only appear for a couple of minutes on-stage amid pyrotechnics. But Mrs. Gene Simmons – better known as Playboy bunny Shannon Tweed – does drop in as a romantic interest, along with Natasha Lyonne and Melanie Lynskey. (The latter two are named ‘Christine’ and ‘Beth,’ which are names of KISS songs.) Carl V. Dupre’s screenplay seems to be lifted piecemeal from a myriad of coming-of-age movies and has so many hateful caricatures of Catholicism as to be quite offensive. Vulgar mockery of any religion is not funny. Director Adam Rifkin relishes the tasteless sexism of picturing a cheerleader on a toilet and visiting a male strip club filled with obnoxious women. And do you really want to watch Edward Furlong vomiting? On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Detroit Rock City” is a lame, loud 1 – one of the most feeble pictures of the year so far.

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MYSTERY MEN

Susan Granger’s review of “MYSTERY MEN” (Universal Pictures)

This feeble spoof tells the saga of seven aspiring superheroes, each possessing a unique – and bizarre – superpower, who band together to save Champion City. The ragtag group consists of Ben Stiller as Mr. Furious, a leather-clad neurotic with a foul temper (“I’m a ticking time bomb of fury!”); Janeane Garofalo as the bitchy Bowler, whose weapon is a clear bowling ball with her father’s visible skull inside; Paul Reubens (a.k.a. Pee-wee Herman) as the Spleen, who farts noxious gas; Hank Azaria as the effete Blue Raja whose specialty is throwing silverware (“May the forks be with you!”); Kel Mitchell as Invisible Boy, who can’t disappear when people are watching; Wes Studi as the Sphinx, who spews sage-like homilies; and William H. Macy as the Shoveler, whose superweapon is, you guessed it, a spade. The villain is the psychotic Cassanova Frankenstein, played by Geoffrey Rush, who has invented the deadly “Frakulator” beam which fragments and warps everything – from people to buildings – into a weird state that reflects what’s going on within Cassanova’s maniacal head – like Picasso’s cubist renderings. His conspirator is Greg Kinnear, a.k.a. Captain Amazing, Champion City’s bona fide arrogant superhero, who is afraid he’ll lose his product endorsements if there isn’t a villain on the loose. The preposterous derring-do in Neil Cuthbert’s deliberately formulaic screenplay, based on the Dark Horse comic book series created by Bob Burden, must have looked better on paper. Utilizing every camera trick, director Kinka Usher exaggerates the obvious, which is not surprising since his background is in television commercials. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Mystery Men” is a muddled 3. It’s a superhero sendup that snickers and deflates quickly.

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DICK

Susan Granger’s review of “DICK” (Columbia Pictures)

Who would have thought that two naive teenage girls could make the misadventures Richard Milhous Nixon into a political satire? But that’s just what happens when Kirsten Dunst and Michelle Williams, two bubble-brained 15 year-olds, unknowingly cross paths with the Watergate burglars, watching G. Gordon Liddy’s plumbers squad during their infamous break-in at Democratic National Headquarters. When Liddy (Harry Shearer) spots the duo the next day on a White House tour, as they accidentally stumble into a paper-shredding project, Tricky Dick (Dan Hedaya) steps in, appointing them as Official Dog Walkers and Youth Advisors. They wind up in the Oval Office, where they discover a tape recorder momentarily left unguarded by Presidential secretary Rose Mary Woods (Ana Gasteyer). What does one of our blithe heroines do with it? What any infatuated teeny-bopper would do: record herself singing an Olivia Newton-John ballad to the Commander-in-Chief. The kind-hearted girls argue foreign policy with Henry Kissinger (Saul Rubinek) and persuade the President to end the Vietnam War by feeding him spiked cookies. Then, of course, they tip off egomaniacal “Washington Post” reporters Bob Woodward (Will Ferrell) and Carl Bernstein (Bruce McCulloch), divulging the CREEP list which they find stuck to Liddy’s shoe. Director Andrew Fleming, who co-wrote the script with Sherlyn Longin, cleverly mixes fact and fiction, evoking the giddy blonde bimbo movie tradition, setting it amidst a Presidential scandal, and punctuating it with ’70s pop music. While it may resemble several “Saturday Night Live” skits edited together, nevertheless, on the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Dick” is a sly, sweet, screwball 7. It’s corny but comical romp through revisionist history.

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DROP DEAD GORGEOUS

Susan Granger’s review of “DROP DEAD GORGEOUS” (New Line Cinema)

Don’t be surprised if you find yourself wishing the “gorgeous” girls would just drop dead in this heavy-handed mock-documentary. Set in Mount Rose, Minnesota, it purports to examine a small-town beauty pageant. Here in the hallowed American heartland, amidst cow pats and pork sausage, there’s an all-out battle being waged for the sparkling tiara. Denise Richards plays a spoiled little rich girl whose primary talent seems to be sucking up to the judges, mouthing banal platitudes, and dedicating her rendition of “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” to Jesus Christ. Kirstie Alley plays her scheming mother, a former winner, who also serves as the pageant’s coordinator. The only real competition comes from a sweet, guileless, tap-dancing trailer park girl, Kirsten Dunst, who worships Diane Sawyer and wants to become a television journalist. She’s egged on by her chain-smoking, beer-swilling mom, Ellen Barkin, and wonderfully slutty neighbor, Alison Janney. Screenwriter Lona Williams and director Michael Patrick Jann (MTV’s “The State”) rely on caricatures and revisit too many snide, crude clich├ęs – from the “You betcha” drawl of “Fargo” to the “Spinal Tap” hysteria to the condescending “Waiting for Guffman” buffoonery of “God-fearin’ folk.” Not that beauty pageants aren’t ripe for satire, but “Smile” (1975) did it so much better – and it didn’t need to travel to the Eating Disorder wing of the local hospital. Holly Hunter’s “The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom” set a standard for such things that this doesn’t even come close to. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Drop Dead Gorgeous” is a tepid, trivial 5. Too bad Hollywood couldn’t have left it alone to develop on its own as a little independent film called “Dairy Queens.”

Susan Granger rate this movie 5 out of 10

STAR WARS: EPISODE I, THE PHANTOM MENACE

Susan Granger’s review of “STAR WARS: EPISODE I, THE PHANTOM MENACE” (20th Century-Fox)

The Force is definitely with George Lucas in this first of three “Star Wars” prequels which attempt to awaken a mythic, sci-fi kind of spirituality as they chronicle the life and times of young Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd) who eventually becomes Darth Vader. For those of you to whom this cultural icon is unfamiliar, rent videos of the original “Star Wars,” followed by “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Return of the Jedi.” It also wouldn’t hurt to read Joseph Campbell’s musings on heroes and “The Uses of Enchantment” by Bruno Bettleheim, which analyzes how myths affect young people. “The Phantom Menace” tells how two stolid Jedi knights, Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor), meet nine year-old Anakin and join the Gungan, a scrappy race of amphibioid creatures, to save Naboo, the planet ruled by gutsy Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman). She is destined to marry Anakin and give birth to Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia, but that comes later in Episode II in 2002 and III in 2005. Right now, the excitement lies in the action, particularly a heart-thumping “pod race,” reminiscent of the chariot race in “Ben-Hur.” Sure, there are flaws: die-hard fans may chafe at the recycled Good vs. Evil plotline and the chatter of one creature, Jar-Jar Binks, is almost unintelligible. Nevertheless, on the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Episode I, The Phantom Menace” comes at you with a thrilling, meteoric 10. Not only is it a fanciful phenomenon but it’s also the most eye-popping spectacular special-effects picture ever made as George Lucas integrates the fantasy of computer imagery with reality. The only question is: Will it beat the all-time box-office champ “Titanic”?

Susan Granger rate this movie 10 out of 10

NOTTING HILL

Susan Granger’s review of “NOTTING HILL” (Polygram/Universal Pictures release)

She’s the most dazzling, famous movie star in the world and he’s the sheepish, fumbling proprietor of a tiny travel book store on funky Notting Hill in London. Can they falls in love? Why not? In this joyous, contemporary fairy tale, anything’s possible. Especially with a script by Richard Curtis (“Four Weddings and a Funeral) that’s reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn’s “Roman Holiday.” The set-up has Julia Roberts, a glamorous American actress, meet Hugh Grant, a book-seller, in his shop – after which he inadvertently spills orange juice all over her T-shirt. She agrees to let him awkwardly clean her up in his nearby flat and – well, nature takes its course. But their path to romance has plenty of bumps which I won’t ruin for you. Suffice it to say, she’s the impetuous aggressor, while he’s wary. She’s sophisticated; he’s shy. She’s agile; he’s clumsy. She’s direct, saying whatever she thinks; he’s understated and evasive, musing, “I’ve opened Pandora’s box, and there’s trouble inside.” Director Roger Michell has astutely assembled a superb British supporting cast, particularly Rhys Ifans as Grant’s wild, Welsh flat-mate and Emma Chambers as his ditsy sister, with Alec Baldwin in an uncredited cameo as Roberts’ boy-friend who drops in unexpectedly. There are several mischievous sequences involving the absolute idiocy people display in the presence of a celebrity and a comic sparring-match with the British tabloid press, plus a timely scandal involving obscene photos and sly, amusing repartee involving Mel Gibson’s bottom. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Notting Hill” is an amusing, captivating, relentlessly entertaining 10 – a perfect date movie and one of the most delightful films in years!

Susan Granger rate this movie 10 out of 10

INSTINCT

Susan Granger’s review of “INSTINCT” (Touchstone Pictures)

Violence has become a negative catch-word recently, so it’s refreshing to see how the concept is explored in this psychological thriller, based on Daniel Quinn’s book “Ismael.” Anthony Hopkins plays a highly respected primatologist who has been jailed for killing two Rwandan rangers and injuring others after choosing to live in the wild with mountain gorillas for nearly two years. Held captive in an overcrowded maximum security prison for the criminally insane, he is interrogated by a bright, ambitious psychiatrist, Cuba Gooding Jr., who is eager to understand the mysterious truth behind the scientist’s actions in anticipation of writing a best-seller. While simplistic, Gerald DiPego’s script is intelligent and thoughtful, delving into the concepts of illusion and freedom, combined with the lust for domination and control, ultimately dividing people into “givers” and “takers.” Director Jon Turtletaub (“Phenomenon”) integrates the brutal reality of prison life with memories of what transpired in Africa to motivate Hopkins’ violent behavior. The challenging, combative chemistry between Anthony Hopkins and Cuba Gooding Jr. is palpable, escalating the tension level, which is already elevated by the hostile sadism of the prison’s guards and warden. But a subplot involving Maura Tierney as Hopkins’ daughter never jells, and the conclusion is cloyingly melodramatic. Arguably the most versatile and talented actor on the screen today, Anthony Hopkins evokes a volatile power and fury reminiscent of Hannibal Lechter in “The Silence of the Lambs,” while Cuba Gooding Jr. displays a forceful, bruising intensity. And special-effects wizard Stan Winston works wonders with the gorillas. On the Granger Movie Gauge, “Instinct” is a compelling 7, commanding attention from start to finish.

Susan Granger rates this movie 7 out of 10

THIS IS MY FATHER

Susan Granger’s review of “THIS IS MY FATHER” (Sony Pictures Classics)

This Irish romantic drama is a uniquely personal collaboration between first-time writer-director Paul Quinn and his brothers Aidan Quinn (“Michael Collins,” “Practical Magic”) and Declan Quinn (cinematographer on “Leaving Las Vegas,” “One True Thing”). It’s the bittersweet story of a Chicago schoolteacher (James Caan) who travels to Ireland to discover his roots and learns the sad, true “Romeo and Juliet”-type tale of his mother and the father he never met. The screenplay stemmed from a story the Quinns’ Irish-born mother used to tell about ill-fated lovers in her village. The couple’s secret is something the tight-lipped locals still refuse to discuss – 50 years later. Told in flashback, Aidan Quinn plays Kieran, a shy tenant farmer, who meets Fiona (Moya Farrelly), a lovely, free-spirited 17 year-old, and they fall in love. But her alcoholic mother, who owns the farm on which Kieran works, disapproves because he’s poor and a bastard child. Eventually, the community, mobilized by a tyrannical priest (Stephen Rea), manages to separate them. The acting is admirable with a stalwart supporting cast that includes John Cusack, Colm Meaney, Brendan Gleeson, and Donal Donnelly. The weakness of the film is the contrived structure. Paul Quinn’s tragic story-line is so full of hackneyed interruptions that it loses its power – which is too bad since the poetic imagery evokes a society smothering under the weight of doomy superstition and inevitable tradition. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “This is My Father” is a gentle, moving 6. And the family collaboration will continue as the Quinn brothers’ Ireland-based sister Marian is developing a script about four Dublin girls.

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AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME

Susan Granger’s review of “AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME” (New Line Cinema)

This comedy sequel continues the satirical adventures of “The International Man of Mystery,” beginning with a James Bond’ish theme as the “Star Wars”-inspired introduction scrolls up the screen. In a nutshell: After Austin Powers (Mike Myers) discovers that his beloved bride, Vanessa Carrington (Elizabeth Hurley), is really a Fem-Bot (female robot), he is informed by the Head of British Intelligence (Michael York) that fiendish Fat Bastard (Mike Myers), the Scottish henchman of Dr. Evil (Mike Myers), has stolen his mojo (his essence, his life force, his sex drive), using time travel machine to go back to 1967 when Austin was cryogenically frozen. So Austin has to go back to the swingin’, shagadelic ’60s to retrieve his manhood. That’s where he meets groovy CIA babe, Felicity Shagwell (Heather Graham): “Shagwell by name. Shag-very-well by reputation.” So much for plot. Relying primarily on sight gags and toilet humor, director Jay Roach desperately grabs laughs wherever he can find them. And that includes a Jerry Springer Show riff in which Dr. Evil’s son (Seth Green) confronts his father, along with Nazi and Ku Klux Klan sons, claiming: “My Father is Evil and Wants to Take Over the World.” What’s new? Dr. Evil has a tiny clone, known as Mini-Me. Robert Wagner and Rob Lowe play the ’90s/ ’60s versions of Dr. Evil’s second-in-command – and Rob does the best R.J. Wagner impression I’ve ever seen! Burt Bacharach, Elvis Costello, Tim Robbins, Willie Nelson, and Woody Harrelson pop up in cameos. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me” is a goofy, sporadically funny, silly 6. Oh, behave! And stay for the credits.

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TARZAN

Susan Granger’s review of “TARZAN” (Buena Vista/Walt Disney)

“Tarzan” is the best animated adventure since “The Lion King”! Not only does it have family drama, laughter, love, and five new songs by Phil Collins, but it offers young boys a viable role model for the emotional conflicts of adolescence. The story begins as a shipwrecked infant is orphaned in Africa when his parents are devoured by a leopard. Despite the initial reluctance of her mate, he is adopted by a loving female gorilla, Kala (voiced by Glenn Close), who has herself lost a child. As Tarzan matures into a young man (Tony Goldwyn) with the instincts and athletic prowess of a jungle animal, his idyllic habitat is invaded by British visitors, most notably Jane (Minnie Driver). Quickly realizing that she’s more like him than any other animal he’s ever seen, he’s immediately intrigued – and far too curious. Meanwhile, her nutty father (Nigel Hawthorne) and gun-toting, big game hunter (Brian Blessed) pose a threat to the sanctity of the jungle. That much is predictable from the Edgar Rice Burroughs classic. Yet there’s a lot that’s new here. Tarzan no longer swings on vines; instead, he glides through the trees like a skateboard surfer on safari. And Cheetah’s been replaced by annoyingly brash, comical Terk (Rosie O’Donnell). But, even deeper, this Tarzan is an adolescent in search of his own identity, wondering: Who am I? What am I? And, most important, where do I belong? It’s a coming-of-age comedy-drama, not unlike “The Lion King,” and the thoughtful, sensitive conclusion differs from the traditional tale. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, this “Tarzan” is a timely, triumphant 10. He’s a hero for our times: a cool guy who seeks harmony and acts from the heart, utterly devoid of machismo.

Susan Granger rates this movie 10 out of 10