Movie/TV Reviews

XXX: State of the Union

Susan Granger’s review of “XXX: State of the Union” (Columbia Pics/Revolution Studios)

There’s obviously a market for this kind of senseless violence that continues the “XXX” series which started with Vin Diesel as an extreme sport athlete who was recruited as a federal agent. In this preposterously simplistic sequel, Ice Cube plays Darius Stone, who escapes from a maximum-security prison cell to battle a power-hungry Secretary-of-Defense (Willem Dafoe), intent on toppling the U.S. President (Peter Strauss), who is threatening to cut military spending. It seems Stone has unique credentials to prevent the coup. He was once a top Navy SEAL, then worked with covert NSA agent Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) in Special Ops. Stone wound up in the slammer for breaking the jaw of a sneering general who ordered a war crime in Kosovo – the same general who has now become the Secretary-of-Defense. Ah ha! “Don’t do this for the red, white and blue,” Stone says to motivate his buddies who are assembled in a local chop shop, preparing to commandeer tanks for an assault on Washington, D.C.. “Do this for the right to hack and jack cars!” Basically, as Ice Cube observes, the fate of the Free World lies in the hands of “a bunch of hustlers and thieves.” From the opening sequence, director Lee Tamahori (“Die Another Day”) layers on the non-stop, gratuitous violence/explosions/crashes that are so implausible that this tedious thriller resembles an arcade video-game more than a movie. To its credit, burly Ice Cube is a far more amusing and, therefore, appealing hero than menacing Vin Diesel. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “XXX: State of the Union” is a stunt-filled, clichŽ-crammed, brainless 2. Mercifully, it lasts only 92 minutes – hardly enough time to finish your popcorn. Wait for the video.

XXX: State of the Union Read More »

Ladies in Lavender

Movie/TV Reviews / Susan

Susan Granger’s review of “Ladies in Lavender” (Roadside Attractions)

There is nothing like a couple of smart, savvy grande dames – Dame Maggie Smith and Dame Judi Dench, to be specific. It’s 1936 in a quiet coastal town outside of Cornwall, where elderly sisters Janet (Smith) and Ursula Widdington (Dench) share a peaceful, isolated existence with their crusty housekeeper Dorcas (Miriam Margolyes). One morning, after a violent storm, they awaken to discover a mysterious young man (Daniel Bruhl) washed up on the rocky beach, the sole survivor of a shipwreck. He’s alive but injured and he speaks no English, only Polish and German. The sisters take him into their cottage and, as they nurse him back to health, long buried resentments and rivalries between them are rekindled. They discover their castaway is Andrea Marowski. He’s a Polish Jew, a violinist from Krakow, who was escaping Nazi anti-Semitism on a ship bound for New York. But their hopes of keeping him in their tiny fishing village are dashed by a visiting painter, Olga Danilof (Natascha McElhone), with impressive concert connections in London and the local doctor (David Warner) who reports the stranger to the authorities as an illegal alien. Veteran British actor Charles Dance makes an accomplished writing and directing debut, adapting a gently beguiling short story of love and longing by William J. Locke. Understated and subtly character-driven, it’s superbly photographed by Peter Biziou and features a lyrical, romantic score by Nigel Hess and the Royal Philharmonic with soulful violin solos by Joshua Bell. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Ladies in Lavender” is an elegant, engrossing, exquisite 8. If you loved “Enchanted April,” this is a must see!

Ladies in Lavender Read More »

Monster-in-Law

Movie/TV Reviews / Susan

Susan Granger’s review of “Monster-in-Law” (New Line Cinema)

People who won’t forgive Jane Fonda for posing for photos perched on an enemy anti-aircraft gun during the Vietnam conflict may never forget, but it’s certainly not her fault that this tepid underdog bride concept falls flat. For a romantic comedy, it’s neither romantic nor funny. As the one-joke story begins, free-spirited Charlotte “Charlie” Cantinili (Jennifer Lopez) has finally found the perfect man, Dr. Kevin Fields (Michael Vartan). That is, until she meets his mother, Viola Fields (Fonda), a recently fired TV anchorwoman who fears she may now lose her son as she lost her job. Enlisting the help of her personal assistant Ruby (Wanda Sykes), Viola is determined to scare off ‘unworthy’ Charlie but, as the claws come out, she finds that she’s met her match in this feisty would-be daughter-in-law who is determined to beat her at her own game. While Anya Kochoff’s script is nowhere near as funny as “Meet the Parents,” director Robert Luketic (“Legally Blonde”) also has the chore of eliciting humor from Jennifer Lopez, who doesn’t have the comic timing of a trained actress like Reese Witherspoon. As if trying to compensate, Jane Fonda goes over-the-top with slapstick as the domineering matriarch. When two-time Oscar-winner Fonda signed on to this as her comeback after a 15-year absence from the screen (she was last seen with Robert DeNiro in “Stanley and Iris”), perhaps she hoped Jennifer Lopez’s presence might introduce her to a younger, hip audience. Oops! On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Monster-in-Law” is a disappointing 3. It’s ironic that Jennifer Garner (once married to Michael Vartan) and Ben Affleck (once engaged to Jennifer Lopez) are now a hot off-screen couple, proving, perhaps, that real-life is stranger than a casting director ever imagined.

Monster-in-Law Read More »

Crash

Movie/TV Reviews / Susan

Susan Granger’s review of “Crash” (Lions Gate Films)

Buckle up! Racial tensions explode in this bleak view of the mean streets of Los Angeles. “In any real city, you walk, you brush past people, people bump into you,” we’re told. “In L.A., nobody touches you. We’re always behind this metal-and-glass.” A black detective (Don Cheadle) and his Hispanic partner/lover (Jennifer Esposito) are rear-ended by a hysterical Asian/American woman (Alexis Rhee). A politically ambitious district attorney (Brendan Fraser) and his bitchy, bigoted wife (Sandra Bullock) have their SUV carjacked by two black thugs (rapper Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Larenz Tate) who run over an elderly Korean as they escape. A rookie cop (Ryan Phillippe) is horrified when his obnoxious, racist partner (Matt Dillon) humiliates a wealthy, innocent African/American couple (Terence Dashon Howard, Thandie Newton). An Iranian shopkeeper (Shaun Toub) whose business is robbed (Shaun Toub) blames a Mexican locksmith (Michael Pena), who just wants to protect his fearful young daughter. These turbulent, troubled characters collide, amid fender benders, stolen vehicles and divisive city corruption – and far too many angry, frustrated people have guns. For Oscar-nominated “Million Dollar Baby” writer Paul Haggis, this is an auspicious directing debut, crafting a thoughtful, quasi-realistic, if coincidence-prone, ensemble effort – with co-writer Bobby Moresco – that, structurally, evokes “Magnolia,” “Traffic,” “The Player,” “Grand Canyon” and “Short Cuts.” Reportedly, the idea started germinating 15 years ago when Haggis and his wife had their car stolen at gunpoint. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Crash” impacts with an improbable, unpredictable, unsettling 8. Depressing but worth a detour.

Crash Read More »

Kicking & Screaming

Movie/TV Reviews / Susan

Susan Granger’s review of “Kicking & Screaming” (Universal Pictures)

While it appears to be about the kids, the title of this family-friendly soccer movie actually describes the bad behavior of the fathers. Mild-mannered Phil Weston (Will Ferrell) is so furious that his outrageously competitive father Buck (Robert Duvall) not only dismisses his grandson as a perennial “bench-warmer” but trades him to a bottom-of-the-league team that he agrees to coach the underdog Tigers. All too aware of his shortcomings, Phil convinces Buck’s cantankerous neighbor, Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka (as himself), to whip the Tiger tykes into shape to beat Buck’s Gladiators. Sizing up the hopelessness of the situation, Ditka recruits two ringers, the young soccer-savvy sons of the local Italian butcher. “The Italians” quickly become winning heroes – but at what cost? Obviously inspired by “The Bad News Bears” and “Dodgeball,” writers Leo Benvenuti and Steve Rudnick (“The Santa Clause”) blend formulaic father-son rivalry with social commentary about American cultural competitiveness. But the satire’s just too soft to be effective and director Jesse Dylan (Bob’s son and director of “American Wedding”) fails to elicit enough laughter from many potentially comedic situations. Instead, he indulges too many puns on the word ‘balls’ and hit-in-the-crotch visual gags; one unhappy example is an intense father-son tetherball game. Will Ferrell and Mike Ditka clown around, while Robert Duvall riffs on his tyrannical “Great Santini” taskmaster. Unfortunately, the kids aren’t differentiated except for ethnicity – like a tiny Asian kid and the Italian stallions. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Kicking & Screaming” is jock-ular 5 – blaming caffeine for turning a meek father into a monster.

Kicking & Screaming Read More »

Constantine

Movie/TV Reviews / Susan

Susan Granger’s review of “Constantine” (Warner Bros.)

John Constantine (Keanu Reeves) has been to hell and back, literally. Tormented by an innate ability to see the “half-breed” angels and demons who pass as humans, he committed suicide as a teenager. But after spending two minutes in hell, he was resuscitated. Bitter, jaded and cynical, he now works as a paranormal detective/exorcist, hoping, somehow, to make it into heaven. That’s just not going to happen, according to Gabriel (Tilda Swinton), an androgynous angel who serves as God’s gatekeeper. Chain-smoking and facing terminal lung cancer, he nevertheless helps a skeptical detective Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz) solve the mysterious death of her twin sister Isabel. This quest calls on Constantine’s knowledge of demonology and black magic, in addition to his courage and fortitude in undertaking a treacherous journey and facing Balthazar (guitarist Gavin Rossdale), the malevolent emissary of Satan (Peter Stormare). On the murky fringes of the occult are Constantine’s wannabe protŽgŽ Chaz (Shia LaBeouf), a flashy faith healer/witch doctor named Midnite (Djimon Hounsou) and an aging priest (Pruitt Taylor Vince). Inspired by the DC Comics/Vertigo “Hellblazer” series of graphic novels, screenwriters Kevin Brodbin and Frank Cappello seem to have successfully captured the dour Constantine character. Music video director Francis Lawrence brings a tortured film noir visuality to the reluctant anti-hero concept, exploring the underworld via the underbelly of Los Angeles. Like “The Matrix,” everything is neither rational nor explained, which makes even the special effects confusing. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Constantine” is a sinister, supernatural 6, giving a gothic, grotesque twist to the old adage: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

Constantine Read More »

Son of the Mask

Movie/TV Reviews / Susan

Susan Granger’s review of “Son of the Mask” (New Line Cinema)

It’s more than 10 years since Jim Carrey donned the personality-altering “Mask” and let me make one thing clear: Jamie Kennedy is no Jim Carrey. It appears that the magical mask, an artifact belonging to Loki (Alan Cumming), the Norse god of mischief, is missing. It’s found by Tim Avery (Jamie Kennedy), an aspiring cartoonist, and his dog Otis. (The name Avery is an homage to Tex Avery, the renown animator whose artistry inspired the first “Mask.” And since the original terrier was named Milo, using Otis this time references “Milo and Otis.”) And Tim is wearing that mask when he and his wife (Traylor Howard of TV’s “Monk”) conceive a child who inherits Loki’s shape-shifting proclivities. Indeed, when little Alvey (Ryan & Liam Falconer) watches the famous Warner Bros. cartoon, “One Froggy Evening,” real trouble begins. Meanwhile, Loki’s father, the powerful Odin (Bob Hoskins), demands that he retrieve the mask – under dire threats of retribution of he doesn’t. Director Lawrence Guterman (“Cats and Dogs”) seems far more interested in the digital technology than the fact that the first-time writer Lance Khazei’s contrived script makes little or no sense. It also never occurs to anyone that these characters and their marauding mayhem are appallingly unappealing. This movie revolves around live-action animation of which the original had very little. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “The Son of the Mask” is a misguided, manic 1. Allegedly “family-friendly,” it’s definitely a contender for my 10 Worst Movies of 2005 list. And what’s really creepy is that, when Jamie Kennedy dons “The Mask,” he morphs into Gary Busey look-alike that’s melded with Nick Nolte.

Son of the Mask Read More »

Because of Winn-Dixie

Movie/TV Reviews / Susan

Susan Granger’s review of “Because of Winn-Dixie” (20th Century-Fox)

Aimed at kids too old for “Pooh’s Heffalump Movie” and too young for anything R-rated, this family-friendly tale is based on a Newberry Award-winning children’s novel by Kate Di Camillo. Poor India Opal Buloni (AnnaSophia Robb) hasn’t a friend in the world. Her alcoholic mother ran off years ago and her emotionally-distant preacher father (Jeff Daniels) has moved them to a tiny (fictional) town called Naomi, Florida, the former home of the Litmus Lozenge Company. Suddenly, into Opal’s life bounces a shaggy, smelly, stray dog whom she names after the supermarket where she found him. Despite threats from their cranky trailer-park landlord (B.J. Hooper), the wide-eyed 10 year-old and the scruffy, abandoned mutt form a firm bond of friendship as they discover the quirks and foibles of their new Southern neighbors. There’s the kindly librarian (Eva Marie Saint) who tells them about a bear stealing a copy of “War and Peace”; the gentle guitar-playing pet-store clerk (rocker Dave Matthews) who gives Opal a job; and an eccentric, blind recluse (Cicely Tyson), known as the Witch. Directed by Wayne Wang (“The Joy Luck Club”) from an episodic screenplay by Joan Singleton, the formulaic story unfolds in a style akin to magical realism, delicately delving into universal themes of loss, loneliness, longing and love. Newcomer AnnaSophia Robb captures the naivetŽ and innocence necessary for the role of Opal; she will next be seen with Johnny Depp in the upcoming “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Because of Winn-Dixie” is a sensitive, sweet, sentimental 7. It’s heart-warming, old-fashioned family fare.

Because of Winn-Dixie Read More »

Imaginary Heroes

Movie/TV Reviews / Susan

Susan Granger’s review of “Imaginary Heroes” (Sony Pictures Classics)

This quirky tragi-comedy profiles the dysfunctional Travis family that’s been fractured by the suicide of the oldest son who, one morning before school, inexplicably shot himself in the head. Teenage Tim (Emile Hirsch) tries to make sense of the loss of his big brother Matt (Kip Pardue), a high school swimming champion who loathed the sport, seeking solace with his even-more-confused buddy Kyle (Ryan Donowho). His medically phobic mother, Sandy (Sigourney Weaver), numbs her pain with marijuana, and his grief-stricken father, Ben (Jeff Daniels), emotionally disconnects not only at home but at work, spending his days sitting on a park bench, staring off into space. It’s all about how different people deal with the pain and loss of death. Director/screenwriter Dan Harris (“X2: X-Men United”) makes his directorial debut in this incohesive attempt to explore the human condition as it is cracking under stress, evoking memories of far-better films like “American Beauty” and “Ordinary People.” (Although since my first husband died many years ago, the insensitivity and absurdity of remarks made by well-meaning friends during a period of bereavement struck an oddly familiar chord.) Emile Hirsch epitomizes the adolescent angst of the underachiever and Sigourney Weaver, who played a similar matriarch in “The Ice Storm,” nails the sardonic mother role. In one hilarious scene, she visits a local head shop to buy weed and winds up in a police cruiser. And her antagonistic relationship with her next-door neighbor (Deirdre O’Connell) proves to be multi-layered as a dark secret hidden within the story unfolds. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Imaginary Heroes” is an unevenly melodramatic 6. It’s a suburban survival tale.

Imaginary Heroes Read More »

The Pacifier

Movie/TV Reviews / Susan

Susan Granger’s review of “The Pacifier” (Walt Disney Pictures)

Vin Diesel is the hook here. Known as a buff-and-tough action-adventure hero, he meets his match when he’s recruited as a reluctant baby-sitter for an out-of-control brood. As the story begins, U.S. Navy SEAL Shane Wolfe (Diesel) is assigned to rescue a kidnapped government scientist who has invented a super-secret new weapons system called GHOST. When the scientist is killed on Wolfe’s watch, his widow (Faith Ford) goes to Switzerland to investigate the contents of her late husband’s safety deposit box. That leaves hard-nosed, highly disciplined Wolfe in charge of five unruly kids. There’s a fearless, rebellious teen (Brittany Snow of “American Dreams”), a sullen adolescent (Max Thieriot of “Catch That Kid”), an eight year-old Ninja-in-training (Morgan York of “Cheaper By the Dozen”), a toddler (Logan and Keegan Hoover) and an infant (Bo and Luke Vink). Plus Helga (Carol Kane), the family’s opinionated Romanian nanny and the kids’ school principal (Lauren Graham of “Gilmore Girls”) who becomes Wolfe’s love interest – and a lunkheaded vice-principal (Brad Garrett of “Everybody Loves Raymond”) who foolishly challenges the unconventional commando to a wrestling match. In the pitch meeting, this may have sounded like a classic Disney comedy about a muscle-bound loner who learns the poignant meaning of family, trading in his bayonet for a baby-bottle. But that’s not the way it turns out. The disjointed, clichŽ-filled screenplay by Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant is sloppily directed by hapless Adam Shenkman (“The Wedding Planner”) who mistakes hyperactivity for comedy. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “The Pacifier” thuds to a stupid, infantile 2. Even the most basic sit-com slapstick needs a story.

The Pacifier Read More »