Susan Granger: “The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D” (Miramax Films)
It’s a heart-warming concept: a film-maker father (Robert Rodriguez) gets inspiration from the fantasies of his seven year-old son (Racer Rodriguez). But the infantile result is stuporific. Shy, imaginative 10 year-old Max (Cayden Boyd) invents two superheroes. There’s Sharkboy, who was raised by sharks, growing gills and a dorsal fin, and volcanic Lavagirl, spurting flames. Neither have a perceptible personality. When his teacher (George Lopez) tells Max to stop dreaming and his classmates tease him, he goes home where his unhappy mother (Kristin Davis) warns him that he’ll become like his unemployed writer father (David Arquette). Only Max’s father encourages him, saying, repeatedly, “Everything that is or was started with a dream.” Sharkboy (Taylor Lautner) and Lavagirl (Taylor Dooley) then materialize and take Max to Planet Drool to fight the evil forces of darkness. Hyped by the 3-D gimmick, there are ‘punny’ Trains of Thought, Streams of Consciousness and a Sea of Confusion, plus Plug Hounds. As the story goes, Miramax was so pleased with the financial success of “Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over” that Robert Rodriguez was under pressure to come up with another 3-D film. He went home, talked with his son and came up with this childish whimsy, proving there’s a reason why seven year-olds don’t write movies, particularly if they’re cribbed from “The Wizard of Oz.” How bad is it? After Lavagirl ignites a piece of paper, a kid exclaims, ‘Wow! She’s hot!” To the villain, she hisses, “Feel the burn!” How’s that for the geeky Land of Milk and Cookies? On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D” is a fumbling 2. Paternal love is admirable but not if you have to pay the price of admission.
