Susan Granger’s review of “Drillbit Taylor” (Paramount Pictures)
Combine the talents of engaging actor Owen Wilson (“Wedding Crashers,” “Meet the Parents”) with the comedy sense of producer Judd Apatow (“The 40 Year-Old Virgin,” “Knocked Up,” “Superbad”) – and how bad can it be? Pretty bad.
The story begins as three stereotypical, insecure dorks – skinny Ryan (Troy Gentile), tubby Wade (Nate Hartley) and tiny Emmit (David Dorfman) – start high school. They’re pumped – until they’re targeted by fearsome Filkins (Alex Frost), a vicious 18 year-old bully who makes their lives miserable. Complaints to the principal are dismissed, so their only means of survival comes from placing an Internet ad seeking protection.
An AWOL Army vagrant living (and showering nude) on a Santa Monica beach, Drillbit Taylor (Owen Wilson), is the only one they can afford. Explaining, “I was discharged for unauthorized heroism,” he figures he can scam them for a few hundred dollars – enough to buy him a ticket to Alaska – but his bumming buddies urge him to milk the gig for all its worth. Meanwhile, he forms an emotional attachment to the kids.
The goofy “My Bodyguard” premise is appealing, but the execution is disjointed. Writers Kristofor Brown (“Undeclared”) and Seth Rogen (“Superbad”), along with director Steven Brill (“Little Nicky”), fail to make either the characters or their actions plausible. Drillbit obviously has psychological problems which are not only never addressed but obliterated by his masquerade as a substitute teacher, “Dr. Illbit,” attracting amorous moves from another teacher (Leslie Mann, Apatow’s wife). The freshmen are obviously clever but are rarely given inventive solutions to their dilemma. And it’s certainly not the fault of the hapless dudes who soldier on.
On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Drillbit Taylor” is a flimsy, formulaic 4, offering only lame laughter.
